Jokes: One for the women: What's the difference between a Christmas tree and a man? A Christmas tree stays up for twelve days and nights, has cute balls and looks good with the lights on. Five reasons to believe computers are female: No one but the Creator understands their internal logic. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you." Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, where the hell have you been? I was out getting a tattoo. A tattoo? What kind of tattoo did you get? I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis. What the hell were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred dollar bill on your penis?

Tasteless Fotos: Click on thumbnails to enlarge

Well, number one, I like to watch my money grow . . . Number two, once in a while, I like to play with my money . . . Third, I like how money feels in my hand . . . And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want ! ! !

Two Virgins
I am an 18-year-old female with long, wavy brown hair and a 36-24-35 figure. It takes a lot to turn me on, so I'm just friends with the guys in my neighborhood, but I like to dress in sexy outfits for the pleasure of their stares. A month ago, a new family moved in down the street, and I decided to welcome my new neighbors and get acquainted with them. They had a very attractive daughter my age named Kay, and it wasn't long before we were good friends. One day after Kay's family had settled in, I went over to pick her up to go shopping.

As I pulled into the driveway, I saw the most handsome guy imaginable shooting baskets. He was my height with long, black, spiked hair and an incredible body -- all the more evident because he wore only a pair of jams. I was mesmerized by his beauty. Kay came out, and I eagerly asked her who the hunk was. "My brother," she replied. "Isn't he cute!" I soon found out that Kay's parents had adopted Vin as a child. Do you like him?" Kay asked.

"He's hot!!" I replied with a big smile. We both walked up the driveway, and Kay introduced us. I looked Vin over from head to toe, and the sight of the sweat pouring down his body made my panties randy with excitement. I could tell that Vin was also impressed by my assets --accentuated by a white cotton halter top and tight black jogging shorts. Kay and I decided to shoot some hoop with Vin, and the three of us frolicked for a while. At one point, as I went in for a lay-up, Vin shocked me by accidentally grabbing my breast as I dribbled past him.

"I'm sorry," he said sheepishly. "Foul!" Kay laughed. "I think we've all had enough," she added.

As Kay led me to the house, I stared longingly at Vin. I hoped that he could see how aroused I was by his touch -- my nipples were so hard that they could be seen through the fabric of my top. Once inside, we drank some iced tea, but it did not cool the lust I felt for Vin. Soon he came in, and we sat around talking for a long time, forgetting that I had come to go
shopping with Kay. I flirted with Vin by deliberately sticking my chest out and curving my body toward him. When I caught him  staring, I got embarrassed. I'm kind of awkward in these situations, and I hoped I wasn't fouling up.

Then Kay asked if I would like to watch a new video in her bedroom, and I thought that it sounded like fun. We headed upstairs, with me secretly hoping that Vin would follow, but he didn't. Since Kay is a really cool girl, I was not surprised when she turned to me during the movie and said, "So you like my brother?"

"Oh, desperately," I replied.

"It's okay," she said. "Lots of girls like him -- but he's still a virgin. I think you two could have some fun together and make a nice couple. Why don't I go out for some ice cream and leave you and Vin to get acquainted? I'll bring some back -- you might need to cool off!" I couldn't believe my luck! My friend was giving me the okay to do it with her brother, and I really liked this guy. I was nervous and turned on at the same time. After Kay left, I went down the hall to her brother's room. I slowly turned the door handle and peaked in. There was Vin, lying on his bed, moaning and jerking himself off!
"Oops, I'm sorry," I apologized, blushing.

Vin looked at me as if he'd seen a ghost. I laughed and said that it was a perfectly normal thing for him to be doing, and that it also turned me on. He replied that he had become so aroused by meeting me that he couldn't help but try to release his pent-up energy when he was alone. "Well, you're not alone anymore," I said. Vin asked me where his sister had gone. I told him that she went out for some ice cream and that she would be back later with his favorite flavor. "How could she do that when my favorite flavor is standing right in front of me?" he said with a smile.

"I want to make love with you," was my answer. I looked straight into his brown eyes, and then got on top of him and hungrily kissed his lips and neck. He said that I was a dream come true. We were both a little awkward, but I got his pants off in record time. I licked and kissed my way down his beautiful torso until I came to his wonderful cock.He wasn't as big as some other guys I have touched, but it didn't matter. There was something more than animal lust between us already. As I began to suck his swollen member, Vin begged me to stop, saying that he would cum if I didn't. I guessed that he wanted to really enjoy his first time. Vin took off my top and gently removed my bra. Like a child with a new toy, he felt my ample tits. At that moment I felt that I was in love with him. He got on top of me and caressed my body with a slow and steady hand until I was totally hot.

"Pull my panties down!" I begged.

Vin obliged, telling me that he was in heaven. I asked him to rub his prick against my horny pussy. As his hot penis touched my body, I trembled with delight. Moving lower, he kissed my cunt lips and blew on my hair. I cooed like a baby as Vin gently nibbled on my cunt and then inserted his fingers and his tongue. As a wave of shuddering pleasure enveloped me, I knew that I was about to come. "Eat me!" I hollered, and Vin cupped his hands under my ass and licked and sucked my pussy and clit like a starving man. My orgasm made me lose my breath for a few moments, and Vin, being the gentleman, waited for me to relax. I wanted that babybeamer in me so bad, but Vin knew that it was my first time also, and he was determined to make it as smooth as possible.

Vin put a pillow under my ass and tried to insert his hard member. Though I was very wet, I was still too tight. Vin was scared that he might hurt me, but I was incredibly turned on and waited lustfully for his rock-hard tool. Positioning himself, Vin drove into my eager love nest. His cock felt so good and so big inside me. Soon he had me to the hilt, and my muscles tightened around his pole. "Oh, yes!" I gasped, "Oh, baby. Pump me, stud!"
Vin was groaning and that turned me on even more. It was also funny, even though this was a serious thing, because we were having such a good time. Finally, his penis ruptured inside me, and then I came again, too. After our panting had quieted, we both drifted off to sleep, so satisfied that we didn't need any ice cream.